


I Won't Sit Outside Your House

by Lapin



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Getting In His Own Way, First Time, M/M, Stream of Consciousness, together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-24
Updated: 2012-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-19 09:25:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/571751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapin/pseuds/Lapin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek won't define what they are, despite how the wolf wants to, because the man knows better. He knows Stiles will find someone else, will be better off with someone who can just be a man, not someone pretending he's one. He knows this. He knows.</p><p>He knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Sit Outside Your House

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [I won't sit outside your house](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3179996) by [thelovedbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelovedbird/pseuds/thelovedbird)



> A/N (Finishes off the last of her liquor) What? 
> 
> I'm tumblr/themarchrabbit if you want to make fun of me or get previews or harass me with prompts. Sometime I write prompts. Also, sometimes I drink Everclear. Both end in ways that leave me confused and vaguely amnesiac. 
> 
> Disclaimer: _Teen Wolf_ is still MTV's bitch, and the title is from the Kenny Chesney song ":Somewhere With You", which is a sad song that kind of defines my whole life.

The first time they fuck, Derek has no excuse. It's not the full moon, he's not upset, he's not angry. He just wants to fuck Stiles and doesn't feel like saying no to himself anymore. So they fuck, and god, he wonders if Stiles know what he feels like, if he knows how tight he is, if he knows how it sounds when he gasps Derek's name, if he knows how he looks when he throws his head back and moans. He wonders if anyone else knows, or if he's the first. He doubts he is. Stiles is just...Derek hates to say he has a type, but he does, and Stiles is it, and he's a lot of men's type. He's not pretty, in the way some men are, but there's something about him that hits every button Derek has, and he's sorry for it, because Stiles is too young to hit Derek's kinks, but the way he says Derek's name tells Derek it's okay, that he's not the first, he's not stealing anything away from Stiles, that he's just a good fuck.

He doesn't know why that makes him feel better, because he knows Stiles is not just a night to him. Maybe he feels better knowing he can want someone and that person doesn't want him. It's almost safe. And Stiles sure as hell doesn't want Derek, and he can't blame him.

-

They fuck again, and Derek isn't sorry. He wants to be, is sure he should be, but the thing is, something went wrong with Derek. He looks like a man, walks like a man, talks like a man, but he knows most of his brain is wolf. Not man. And that part of him sees nothing wrong in having Stiles, doesn't get what the hang-up is, because Stiles is crawling into his lap, kissing him, pleading, saying his name, so he flips them over and fucks Stiles and Stiles cries out, wraps his legs tight around Derek's waist, and the part of him that's less human says that's right, that's natural, what's wrong? The part that's a man says no, he's too young, he doesn't know what he's doing, stop. But like Derek said, he's more wolf than man, and the wolf says okay even when the man says no, and the wolf wins.

The wolf thinks Stiles wants him.

The man knows better.

-

He spots Stiles at a coffee shop with a good-looking boy, and the wolf _howls_ , agonizes, says no, no, he's his, what is he doing with someone else, what did he do wrong, get that other man away, that's Derek's, he can't have him. 

But the man says, yeah, what did you expect? Did you really think he wanted _you_? You were convenient, you were a good time, but you're not the guy he wants to hold hands with, the one he wants to sleep beside. That guy is. That guy is normal, that guy is just a man, he'll touch him like a man should, he'll treat him like a man should, god, why did you think for even a second that you were enough? Why would anyone want you? Why would someone as smart as Stiles want you? 

And he really has no argument.

So when he goes to Stiles' window that night, he doesn't know what he's there to prove. Except Stiles still smells like arousal, still smells like he wants Derek, so Derek pins him down and fucks him, worries at his skin with human teeth, like the feral part of him wants, even as the man says, he just wants to get off, you look good, he doesn't even like you, you idiot. Stop thinking you have a chance, stop thinking this is forever, you're just convenient. You're just there. He doesn't even really like you. He doesn't. He calls you names and he doesn't look at you when other people are around and he never says, no, I have plans, because he's always waiting for something better to do than study and have you come by on a Friday night. He wants to be doing anything else. Anyone. 

But the wolf says, then why does he smell like he's yours? Why does he spread his legs and kiss you and bare his throat and say your name? Doesn't that count for something?

And the man says, yeah, it means he's a teenager and he wants to have sex. Not necessarily with you.

-

Derek has to go away for a month. He hates being away from Stiles, but he has to go visit a pack in Seattle, and he hates why. It's just a courtesy, really, but Matthew had loved Laura, would have been paired with her if she hadn't died, so Derek goes to visit his pack for the Hunter's Moon, takes his own pack up for it, just a courtesy. He and Matthew barely got along, Laura always more personable, despite how Matthew tried. And he had tried to be Derek's friend, tries even now. 

''He's human?” He asks, taking a precursory sniff. “Why haven't you offered?”

“It's not like that.” Derek says.

“Smells like that's how it is,” Matthew waggles his eyebrows. “What's the hold up?”

And Derek can't help but say it, because Matthew reminds him of Laura, reminds him of what he lost, and he curls into him, lets himself be a wolf, says, “He doesn't love me.” And Matthew sighs, rubs Derek's back.

“He will. Just give him time.” Matthew loves Derek the way Laura loved him, that instinct there to take care of Derek even with Laura cold in the ground. “Sometimes it's not instant.” 

-

Stiles smells like another man when he comes back. 

The wolf howls in agony, because it doesn't _understand_ , and even the man goes no, no, _no_ , he was coming around, no, why, why, what did he do wrong? And Stiles just smells like arousal, wraps his arms around Derek's neck, but he pushes him off, can't stand the smell, another man, someone else kissing Stiles, touching him, and Stiles letting him. Stiles saying okay, saying Derek didn't matter, and he knew, he knew the whole time he was just convenient, but that doesn't mean he wanted it thrown in his face. 

“Derek?” He asks, and he smells like Derek's still, smells like the one he was meant to have, but he smells like someone else too, and it _hurts_. “What?”

“Who else were you with?” He can't help but ask, because he doesn't recognize the scent, but still wants to tear him to pieces and wants to curl in a corner and die, because being told you're good enough to fuck, good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to keep, Derek should be used to it, but he never expected it from Stiles despite how much he tried to prepare himself for the inevitable rejection. 

And Stiles frowns, says, “You can smell him?” And part of Derek really does die, because he thought he was ready for this, and he's _not_ , he's not. The wolf howls and the man bellows, and Derek doesn't know what to do, doesn't know who he's supposed to be. He's not a man, and he's not a wolf, and he doesn't know which one is right, which one is normal, which one Stiles can understand. “Hey, you just took off, okay? You didn't say anything, what was I supposed to do?”

And the wolf says _wait_ and _understand I was coming back_ and the man says _not think so little of me_ and _understand I care about you, that I wasn't screwing anyone else_ but maybe that's the feral part of him, or maybe it is the civilized part, he can't tell. What he says aloud, is, “Did you sleep with him?” And Stiles huffs, says,

“So what if I did?” And Derek can't. He can't. It's the wolf and the man and it's his stupid broken heart that makes him withdraw, crawl back out the window and back to his car, and Stiles doesn't stop him. 

He doesn't say one word.

-

And Erica says, “No one likes it when you smell sad.”

And Boyd says, “This is pathetic. It's Stiles.”

And Isaac says, “I could talk to him?”

And Peter says, “Of course you would fuck it up.”

And it's Scott who says, “Stiles has a boyfriend, alright?”

And the wolf whines and the man pleads for Derek to try again, and the wolf says, he's mine, he's mine, why are we letting someone else have him? And the man says, you're such a fuck up, why did you let yourself believe you had a chance to keep him. The wolf says, he was mine, he would have said yes, he'd keep me balanced, offer, offer, beg, beg for him to take me back. And the man says, don't go where you're clearly not wanted, that's just sad. 

Derek thinks his whole life is kind of sad.

-

Stiles has a boyfriend named James. He's the boy he saw him at the coffee shop with. He holds Stiles' hand and they talk and Stiles curls into his side, and he doesn't see Derek, and Erica says, Derek, let's just go, okay, I didn't want pie that bad, come on. And he can smell Stiles from twenty-five feet away, can smell that he's content and happy and a little aroused and not scared at all, and he lets Erica tug him away. 

He spends that night on all fours, and no one says anything.

-

The next time he sees Matthew's pack, he screws someone whose name he can't remember.

He doesn't feel better.

-

“So I've got this much, but I think we need to look into the silver thing a bit more.” Stiles is saying, and he bites his bottom lip, looks up. “Does silver bother you?” And Erica says no, but Derek nods. It doesn't burn, but it gives him an allergic reaction, makes his skin red and itchy. “Right, so since they're born shifters, like you, maybe it's the same. This would be so much easier if the rules were uniform, but no, of course bitten and born are different. Fuck. Okay. These fuckers are definitely born.” And Derek knows, they've thrown their purist agenda around enough. Purists aren't common in their world, are considered as fringe as Neo-Nazis are to Stiles, but they're just as loud as they are in Stiles' world. For the most part, Derek and his family were able to politely ignore these kind of shifters, but when they're moving in on Derek's territory with their bullshit, there's nothing he can do but say no and put them down. He hopes he can put them down, and hard. 

“Silver will hurt them.” He says, and it's been two months since he's been in Stiles' bed, since Stiles wanted him, but he still smells like Derek's, and he knows what that means. He knows. The wolf whines, begs, doesn't understand, and the man says he's an idiot for ever believing he had a chance. “It's where we need to stick.” 

And it's silver bullets, but more than that, it's Stiles spraying silver that he got from the organic grocery store in their Alpha's face and going, “Mace is so last year,” and Derek might love him a little more for being that fucking clever. 

Their Alpha says, “You picked a good mate,” right where Stiles can hear him, and Derek cringes when Stiles gapes at him. “You should turn him soon.” 

-

Stiles finds him, because Stiles is Stiles, and he's so much smarter than anyone gives him credit for. 

“I was a virgin.” Is what he says. “I was a virgin, and I wanted it to be you. But you never said anything, and I didn't want to be that guy who gets attached and begs for attention, I didn't, okay? I thought if you wanted me, you would say something.”

“What about James?” Derek asks, he has to ask.

“James isn't you.” And Stiles sounds brave and nervous and scared, but he just smells like Stiles, smells like he was always meant for Derek. He buries his face in Stiles' neck, inhales, and Stiles says, “God, you're a fucking idiot, you know that? Seriously.”

“I wanted you to be mine.”

Stiles laughs, “I was always yours.” 

-

_He was always his._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. Okay. I don't.


End file.
